No Regrets
by Sweet Babboo
Summary: Sonny finds himself in a situation he never dreamed he would be in.


Been missing Barisi lately, so I came up with this. Hope you enjoy it!

 _Disclaimer: L &O SVU does not belong to me. I just like Barba and Sonny a whole lot!_

 **No Regrets**

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Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr. slowly fluttered his eyelids open, squinting slightly at the sunlight filtering into the bedroom, which seemed to be getting stronger with each passing second. He stretched his long and lithe body to its full length and let out a tired sigh before settling back against the pillows and closing his eyes back shut. It was probably past his normal time to get up, but he hated to get out of the warm cozy bed, especially when his body felt like he had finished running in a marathon. But it was a pleasant ache and oddly enough, he felt relaxed in spite of his exhaustion. Sonny hadn't felt this relaxed since passing the bar exam months ago.

The SVU detective's eyelids flew wide open when a heavy arm suddenly flung across his stomach, trapping him against the mattress. Sonny immediately turned his gaze to his right and came face to face with a still sleeping ADA Rafael Barba who was noticeably missing his usual chic suit and tie ensemble. In fact, he wasn't wearing anything from the waist up. Sonny immediately scrambled backwards to the furthest part of the bed in horror at the implications of his current situation. His cheeks turned bright pink when he peeked under the sheets and found that both he and Barba were completely naked. Perhaps it was the stark reality of the early hours of the morning, or the copius amounts of alcohol from the previous evening that were playing tricks on his mind. But the reality was painfully obvious. This was no dream. It took a moment to re-focus, but then it all came back to Sonny in a flood of beer-soaked memories.

Sonny had bumped into a sullen Barba in his usual seat at Forlini's, downing scotch like it was water. After dropping off some new evidence, the Manhattan ADA had invited him to stay and have a drink with him. Sonny didn't have to think twice before accepting. He didn't even question why. It was a rare opportunity not only to have some alone time with Barba, but also a chance to get to know him better and away from the distractions of their professions. Besides, Sonny couldn't leave him in his condition. Apparently, Liv had brushed off Barba yet again. And although it hurt to hear Barba commiserate about someone else, it would have hurt even more if Sonny had abandoned him in his hour of need.

One drink had led to another and then another, which resulted in an impromptu "Most Pathetic" contest where they took turns, each trying to outdo the other commiserating about their past relationships and the current state of their love lives, or lack thereof. For Sonny, he barely had time to breathe, let alone sleep with his hectic work schedule and having gone to night school at Fordham Law. His love life barely had a pulse and was currently on life support. But for Barba, it had been a conscious decision to forgo any sort of romantic relationship. The ironic part of their whole conversation was that he and Barba had more in common than either one of them realized. Both had come from humble backgrounds and both had suffered heartbreak in the past, using work as an excuse to keep them from jumping back into the dating pool. Barba had been sympathetic and uncharacteristically nice to Sonny. At times, he was even wistful, which seemed so out of character for him.

Nevertheless, Barba had shown his softer side and let down his guard just enough for Sonny to confirm his suspicions that Barba used his outspoken and snarky demeanor as a cover up. And for a blissful few moments, Sonny had been able to share a personal moment with the enigmatic and brash ADA he deeply admired. It was more than admiration. He had fallen hook, line, and sinker for the sharp dressing and equally sharp-tongued prosecutor. In the end, they mutually agreed that it was a tie between them for the "Most Pathetic" contest.

Since Sonny and Barba were both in no condition to drive, they ended up taking an Uber to Barba's apartment where they spent the next few hours continuing their hearfelt conversation and keeping each other company while they sobered up. Sonny could have sat there all night long just talking. But it couldn't last forever as it had gotten late in the evening. When Sonny was about to leave, Barba surprised him by gently grabbing his hand and pulling the younger man against his torso. Before Sonny could utter a word in response, Barba crossed the gap between them and kissed the stunned SVU detective deeply, passionately, and quite thoroughly.

"If you want to leave, I won't stop you," Barba murmured after they finally separated. His voice was thick with unveiled desire as he stared deeply into Sonny's sky blue eyes. It was like Sonny was in a trance.

"What if I don't want to leave?" Sonny responded softly.

"It's a good thing I have a big bed then," Barba replied with his usual confident smirk as he took Sonny's hand and pressed it against his lips before leading them into his bedroom.

It was strange that only a few hours ago, Sonny was pressed up closely and very intimately against the body he was now staring at. Truth be told, it was the best sex Sonny had in a long time. But for him, it was more than just sex. He had hoped that in some small way, Barba felt the same way as Sonny did. Sure it was a pipe dream, but Sonny had always held on to that hope that Barba felt something for him in return.

"Enjoying the view?" Barba murmured in amusement.

Sonny wrenched the sheets up against his chest automatically in embarrassment at getting caught staring. Barba was leaning on one elbow while supporting his head in his hand, grinning like a Cheshire cat while resting his hypnotic gaze on Sonny.

"I...um, …I..." Sonny stammered nervously. There was no denying that his nervousness was exacerbated by the warmth and closeness of the body resting next to him. How could Barba be so non-chalant about the whole situation?

"What's the matter? Cat got your tongue? It's not like that was the first time you've ever slept with anyone, is it?"

"None of your business!" Sonny replied hotly. "I'm just not in the habit of having casual flings, okay?"

"A fling?" Barba echoed raising an amused eyebrow up at Sonny's choice of word to describe their encounter. "I haven't heard that term in ages."

"It's not my fault. My mother is old school and she prefers it."

"She's sounds like a sweetheart. You must have inherited some of her traits."

"Flattery will get you nowhere."

"Can't blame me for trying. You're really bothered by this, aren't you?"

"It doesn't bother me, all right? Don't treat me like I'm on the witness stand."

"Tell you what. I'll stop with the third degree, if you tell me the truth."

"I ALWAYS tell the truth. And if it's all the same to you, I'd like to move on and forget that this ever happened." Sonny hoped he sound convincing enough. He wasn't.

"There's just one problem with that. I don't want to forget about what happened last night. Carisi," Barba replied in a softer tone of voice, "You don't have to feel embarassed or ashamed. There's nothing wrong with what happened between us."

"I never said anything to that effect."

"It's written all over your face. Hey, we're two consenting adults who were hurting and in need of some companionship and we acted accordingly. End of story."

"You sound like you're making a summation in court."

"It's an open and shut case. I have no regrets what happened between us. Do you?"

Sonny's gaze lowered slightly as he paused in contemplation before answering. "No. No, I don't. And just for the record, I wouldn't have stayed the night if I thought that what we did was wrong."

Barba got up to a sitting position, letting the sheets pool at his waist as he reached over to gently grasp Sonny's chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing him to look into Barba's green eyes.

"I'm glad to hear that, because that was the best sex I've had in a while."

"That's all it was to you, wasn't it? Casual sex."

"Is there any other kind?"

Sonny felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. He had always felt an unspoken attraction between them, but he never had the nerve to act on his impulses. It hurt to hear it straight from the horse's mouth and that it really didn't mean anything to Barba. But for Sonny, it meant much much more. Barba was everything he wanted to be and more, both professionally and personally. And why wouldn't he? Barba had fought against humble beginnings in the Bronx, fueled by his ambition to succeed and going on to graduate with honors from Harvard, before joining the DA's office. But Barba never really paid much attention to Sonny, unless he was teasing him or giving him grief. He had been harder on him than most of the law professors at Fordham, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise because it only fueled Sonny's resolve to succeed. In all the years they had worked together, Barba never gave any indication that he was even remotely interested in Sonny romantically. That's why it was a surprise when Barba had asked him to stay the night.

"I'd better get going if I want to make it back to my place in time to change for work," Sonny replied in a stilted tone of voice, while pulling away from Barba's fingers. He wanted to quickly make his escape before he made an even bigger fool of himself.

Barba had other plans in mind as he caught Sonny's wrist and gently pulled the younger man back to the bed and into the warmth of his bare arms as they wrapped around Sonny's back, pulling him against his body. At first Sonny resisted, but then eventually leaned into the embrace and tucked his head against the curve of Barba's shoulder, in defeat.

"What's really bothering you, Carisi?" Barba asked gently, as he rubbed Sonny's back in a soothing gesture. "You just admitted that you had no regrets."

"I lied. The only real regret I have is that I enjoyed last night as much as I did."

"That's a relief. Otherwise, this conversation could have been really awkward."

"Will you be serious for once?"

"I'm being serious. I wouldn't have traded what we shared last night for anything in the world."

Sonny swallowed the lump that formed at the back of his throat. Barba sounded so sincere. He certainly wasn't making this easy for Sonny.

"You just admitted that it was only casual sex. There's no guarantee that it will happen again as far as you're concerned."

"There's no guarantee that it won't happen again either. And I don't remember ever saying that it was a one time thing. What's this really all about?"

"I just...I just don't want it to end as quickly as it began. That's all."

"Why does it have to end?" the older man asked in genuine surprise.

"Come on, counselor. I might be a little naive, but I'm not stupid. I know that I'm not your type and that I haven't had as much experience in the world as you have. We're different people with different personalities. I'd probably just get in the way and cramp your style. Let's just chalk up last night to the booze and go our separate ways, before this gets out of hand."

"I think it's a little late for that, wouldn't you say? And besides, the booze didn't make you stay last night and it didn't make you respond to me so eagerly, because we were both completely sober by that time."

"Don't you see that I'm giving you a way out of this situation? Why are you making it harder than it already is? The least you could do is humor me, here."

"You weren't by chance feeling sorry for me by giving me pity sex last night, were you?" Barba demanded pulling back slightly to look into Sonny's eyes. "Because if that's the case, I don't need anyone's pity. Especially not from wannabe-lawyer who only dabbled in law school as a hobby."

Sonny bristled back angrily to put some space between them.

"I oughta bust your jaw for that. I had to work my ass off to pass the bar exam. Even working full time, I still managed to pass on my first try."

"What do you want? A medal?"

"What I want, is a little respect from you. Is that such a hard thing?"

"Respect is earned, not automatically given Carisi. And when did I ever say that I didn't respect you?"

"It's more than a little obvious. Ever since the day we met, you've made it perfectly clear that I'll never measure up to your standards. I mean, the only time you even acknowledge me is when we're at work. Even then, it's like pulling teeth to get you to say something nice about me."

"That's not true. You're being dramatic and overly sensitive."

"Oh really? You've always busted my chops for no good reason when all I ever wanted to do was contribute. From the very beginning, you've always treated me as an inconvenience. Instead of conversation, all I ever got from you were snarky reponses, especially about me going to Fordham law. It's like you were doing it on purpose just to make me miserable."

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm that way with everyone."

"You're not like that with Liv." Even as the words came out of Sonny's mouth, it hurt like hell.

"We don't get to choose who we're attracted to, detective," Barba replied cryptically.

"Then why did you bother asking me to stay last night?"

"Because I was under the impression that you wanted to. What's the problem here?"

"You just accused me of sleeping with you out of pity. If anything, YOU were feeling sorry for ME. I suppose you think I should be grateful that you even chose to sleep me."

"You could have left at anytime. It's not like I was holding a gun to your head," Barba retorted. "And I didn't exactly hear you protesting very much."

"That's because I had this stupid notion that you actually cared about me as a person. And let me remind you counselor, that you were the one that invited me for a drink and you were the one that kissed me first."

"And as I recall, YOU weren't resisting. In fact, you were uninhibited and quite enthusiastic, moaning and begging me not to stop while we were doing it. It was such a turn-on with you urging me to take you over and over again. By the way, did you know that you have a mole on your..?"

"Yes, I know!" Sonny cut him off immediately. "And don't change the subject. For your information Mr. hot shot ADA, I don't sleep with just anyone."

"I do know. That's what made last night even more special. You never do anything half-hearted, Carisi. And for your information, it isn't just a one way street. I've been wanting to do that with you for a very long time."

Sonny did a double take as he stared at Barba in confusion. "I...I don't understand. What are you trying to say?"

"You seem to be under the impression that what happened between us last night didn't mean anything to me. You couldn't be more wrong."

"But...but you were drowning your sorrows last night, because Liv rejected you."

"That's what I wanted you to think. I was really drowning my sorrows because I thought that I had blown my last chance for a meaningful relationship. Ever since I joined the DA's office, I had always put my love life on the backburner because my ambition to succeed was too great. It wasn't that I didn't want to get involved with anyone. I just decided not to, and with good reason. You see, I got hurt a long time ago and I promised to never let myself be vulnerable again. When Liv and I started working together, I found someone who I could share my thoughts with and that didn't ask anything of me in return and who understood me. I was comfortable around Liv and I felt safe."

"Is there a point to this? Because I really don't want to hear it all over again," Sonny pouted as he turned away so that Barba couldn't see the hurt look in his eyes. "Last night was enough for me."

Sonny could be incredibly cute when he was being petulant. Barba wrapped his arms around Sonny's waist from behind as he held the younger man close to him again. Sonny refused to give in, but he was quickly losing the battle of wills especially with Barba breathing softly against his cheek and pressing soft kisses against Sonny's neck, which already bore various hickey marks from the previous night.

"I was going to say that after talking with you, I realized that wanting to be with Liv was just a way of protecting myself from the pain of getting hurt again. I was just looking for something safe and familiar. Something that wouldn't threaten me, emotionally. I also realized that I was confusing camaraderie with infatuation. Liv is a friend...a very good friend. But that's all she is to me."

"And why the hell should I care?"

"Because I can tell that the subject bothers you. And if you didn't care, you wouldn't be so grouchy. I don't know if you realize it or not, but you're not good at hiding your feelings."

"Yeah, well you'd be grouchy too if you were being used as a replacement for someone else."

"A replacement?" Barba parroted in complete surprise as he pulled away. "Is that what you really think?'

Sonny turned to look directly into Barba's green eyes to challenge him. "It's fairly obvious. Liv rejected you, so you had to settle for me instead because I just happened to be there. It may surprise you to discover that I don't enjoy playing second fiddle to anyone."

" _Dios mio._ Carisi, how can you be a detective and not figure it out? Think about it. Haven't you ever wondered why I always gave you such a hard time?"

"Because you were bored and had nothing else better to do?" Sonny replied drily, making Barba laugh softly.

"Well, maybe just a little. But that wasn't the only reason. If anything, I haven't been bored since the day I met you. You're like this weird mixture of Atticus Finch, Pollyanna, and the Energizer Bunny all rolled into one."

"The Energizer Bunny?" Sonny replied in confusion.

Barba's lips curled up in amusement as he kissed the tip of Sonny's nose. "Google it."

"I suppose I should consider it a compliment that you noticed me at all."

"Hey, don't knock it. It's not easy thing to do, considering my standards."

"Oh, I beg your pardon. And did you have to be such a jackass with me in the beginning?"

"Sorry. Teasing you was the only way we could interact without showing how much I liked you. And I don't mean in the platonic sense."

Sonny's blue eyes widened in shock. "Are you...are you saying that you were interested in me even way back then?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

"Then, it was me that you were referring to when you said that we can't choose who we're attracted to."

"Hello? That's what I've been trying to tell you for the last five minutes."

"But I thought you didn't want me around. I thought I annoyed you."

"You did annoy me...a LOT. But little by little, you began to grow on me. I realized that your passion for the law wasn't just an act. You truly were interested and couldn't help being enthusiastic about it, even if you did spout off at the most inconvenient situations. But it was after you shadowed me on the Hodda case that I began to see you in a different light."

"I felt the same way about you too," Sonny admitted softly.

"Sometimes it takes a fresh set of eyes to make someone realize what motivated them to pursue their choice of career. You came in like gangbusters full of enthusiasm and wanting to make a good impression. Your passion couldn't be contained. In fact, you reminded me so much of myself when I first started. Maybe you reminded me too much of what I used to be. After so many years of working in the DA's office, you can't help losing some of the luster."

"But you're so successful as a prosecutor."

"Being a lawyer isn't always as easy as it looks, Carisi. Being a prosecutor can be even 10 times harder than a defense attorney because you can't always do what feels right in your heart, even though you're only doing your job and what the law allows you to do. There are times you find yourself in a no-win situation. I don't mind telling you, that it can royally suck."

"Then why did you allow me to shadow you on the Hodda case?"

"Because I thought you could handle it. And because I didn't want you to become disillusioned and deter you from your ultimate goal. And I wanted you to decide for yourself if being a lawyer was what you really wanted to pursue. To be honest, I didn't know if you were suited to becoming a prosecutor. Not because you don't have the capability, but because you're just so compassionate and kindhearted. It would have been a real shame if you lost that part of your personality."

"I didn't know you cared so much. Thank you for looking out for me."

"I don't need gratitude, Carisi. And I don't want it. All I need is you."

Sonny's heart felt like it was going to burst from happiness. "I wish you would have told me all of this sooner."

"Deep down, I guess I was afraid of what would happen if I followed my heart. I knew that you had been involved with other women in your past and I didn't know how you would react if you knew how I felt. I didn't want to scare you off and lose you permanently."

Sonny's eyes knitted together as he frowned slightly. "There was never anything to be worried about, Rafael. I've had the biggest crush on you for the longest time. It's a wonder you never realized it."

Barba leaned over to brush his mouth against Sonny's rosy lips. "NOW you tell me. Anyway, I was convinced that it was better to keep our relationship limited to work related activities and that it was just a passing infatuation on my part. But the more we worked together, the stronger those initial feelings became. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get you out of my head. You don't know how hard it was pretending that I didn't care about you."

"You sure did a good job of it. I never would have guessed that you had a thing for me."

"That was the point, Sherlock. I didn't want you to know how I felt about you, especially when I was uncertain of your feelings towards me. But when you stayed to comfort me last night and after the mindblowing sex we had, I realized that I don't want to play it safe anymore. I don't want to live my life having regrets."

"What do you want then?" Sonny asked softly.

Barba answered by cradling Sonny's face within the palm of his sculpted hands. "I want to wake up next to you and feel your skin against mine. I want to hear your voice call out my name in the heat of passion again. And I want to be the only one you share your body and soul with."

Barba then moved his hand down and rested it over Sonny's heart. "But most of all, I want this."

Sonny's lips curved into such a sweet, endearing smile that it made Barba's heart beat faster in response. He could have drowned in those luminous baby blue eyes.

"What a coincidence that I want those things as well."

"Carisi," Barba murmured huskily before closing the gap between them to kiss Sonny deeply. It didn't take much to convince Sonny that Barba's intentions were genuine as he wound his arms around Barba's neck, pulling the older man against him. Sonny could hardly believe that this was actually happening. Barba was his and his alone. It wasn't a dream after all.

"Tell Liv that you can't make it today," Barba demanded after they broke away for air.

"What excuse am I going to give?" Sonny asked with an amused grin as he reached up to trace his fingers along Barba's lips.

"Tell her that something came up or that you're not feeling well. I don't care what you tell her as long as I can keep you here with me. I've waited for you long enough."

"Why counselor, are you asking me to lie to my reporting officer?" Sonny teased as Barba's lips travelled over one pale shoulder, across Sonny's collar bone, and down along his chest, making the younger man moan in response.

"If it will keep you here for another few hours, then yes."

"Don't you have to go to work too?"

"Ugh. You sure know how to kill the mood. Okay, how about we compromise and have a quick cuddle?"

Sonny couldn't help but laugh. "A quick cuddle? You disappoint me, Rafael. I was hoping you wanted something a little more...substantial."

Barba's hands wandered down to cup Sonny's ass, making the younger man gasp in pleasure. "Is that what you had in mind?"

"It's a start," Sonny replied as he reached over to nibble on Barba's earlobe before before turning his attention back to Barba's lips kissing him again and again. "You do realize that Liv and the others will eventually find out about us, right?" he asked Barba, in between kisses.

"Eventually, but for now I'd prefer to enjoy the moment. Any objections, detective?"

"None whatsoever, counselor. But I really do think we should get down to business."

Barba smirked in agreement as he gently spread Sonny's long legs apart with his knee before settling his body in between Sonny's thighs.

"Oh, I entirely agree."

"That's a first. I may faint."

Barba threw his head back in laughter before proceeding to make love to his precious SVU detective who responded enthusiastically as he usually did in every endeavor.

They both ended up calling in to work " _sick_ " several hours later and neither one of them cared.

 ** _The End_**

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 _Upload Date: 24Apr2018_

 _Author's Note: The day after I posted this, I saw a stuffed animal sitting in the warehouse at work and I kid you not, it was a pink Energizer Bunny complete with a drum set and dark sunglasses. You can't make this stuff up! :)_


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